Liar liar pants on fire!


So I met a guy online and I didn’t really like his name……Tony. Just didn’t ever imagine myself with a ‘Tony’. Sounds stupid I know but I have to like the name……..

The night of the date arrived and it was going really well! Tony was good looking, engaging and really funny, he had me in stitches.

Drinks turned into dinner, and then icecream after.

The conversation was flowing……I said, so tell me, is Tony short for Antony? I was thinking how I could make the name more acceptable.

There was total silence from Tony. His face went as white as a sheet and he starts stumbling, ohhh I have something to tell you. He looked stricken.

My name isn’t really Tony……its Matthew. I gave you the wrong name.

My reaction was, oh thank fuck for that I HATE the name Tony…..

and then, um why did you lie about your name?!! That’s really weird.

Oh there are heaps of stalkers out there he said…….errrrr ok…..

And he lied about his age. 3 times.

Seriously, what is the point in that?! Honesty in relationships is so important and if you are going to lie from the get go, then what hope do you have for the future?!

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ADD……Another dating disaster!











Another online date….profile was interesting, a good array of ‘action’ shot type photos, the standard photo at someone’s wedding and a very good looking profile pic. He looked like a cheeky chappie and I was right….

He asked me for my number straight off and called me to arrange a date. The day before our date he calls me on my mobile whilst I was at work to boast about selling a yacht……he’s in the boating industry.

Firstly I thought, err ok why are you telling me this and secondly I’m at work! It all seemed overly familiar and like he was trying to blow his own trumpet. He said that we would have lots to celebrate when we met the next night.

We meet at a wine bar for a couple of drinks. There was more boasting about his success with the sale of the yacht…..yawn. I’m all for people having success in their lives but conversation is a two way street! I actually counted there was a time span of 15 minutes I was completely mute as he was talking non stop about himself.

I suggested we order some food as a) I was hungry and b) I thought it might shut him up for a bit…….

The bill arrives and he says ‘wow this is expensive for what we had’ two starters and 6 drinks for $100? I thought it seemed fairly reasonable and considering how much talk there was of his work success and how much money he made,  I thought that it wouldn’t have been too much for him to contend with.

He asked me whether I was going to contribute to the bill and then promptly said, actually you don’t have to if you don’t want to so I said, ok I won’t then! He looked a bit taken aback and said I can pay ‘the next time’.

I thought that was terribly presumptuous and wasn’t sure if my ears were up to another date of him harping on about himself. I jokingly said that he was getting a bit ahead of himself and that I’d let him know. That joke went down like a lead balloon.

We went outside and it was pouring with rain. I didn’t have an umbrella with me and my house was a good 2o minutes walk down the street. He was parked in front of the bar. He promptly said bye and see you around. No offer of a ride home in the rain for me…….

What a gentleman!

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Is it really you? As you look NOTHING like your online dating picture!

bad pics

My first ever online dating experience wasn’t what you would call a success.

I had been exchanging emails with a particular chap and they were very funny, great banter and from his various photos, he was cute.

After about a week of exchanging emails, we had arranged a date. About an hour before we were due to meet I receive a text from him saying that his hair was a little longer than the photos on his profile. Ok no problem.

I met him at our arranged meeting spot and I was gobsmacked. Not only was his hair a little longer (and desperately needed a wash), he was about 20 kilos heavier! Fark! I didn’t know where to look. I usually am terrible in hiding my expressions, my face shows exactly what I’m thinking and he could tell straight away that I was not impressed.

And besides all that, the banter had dried up. There was no witty jokes, nothing. I was trying to make a half arsed attempt at humour and it went down like a lead balloon. It was excruciatingly awkward. We didn’t look at each other, he was looking at the ground and I was looking at the sky. It would have been easier to get blood out of a stone than have a conversation with this chap. Somehow, I managed to get through two drinks and I swiftly made my excuses and bolted.

Seriously, why do people put up ancient photos of themselves online? Surely they must realise that its gonna be so awkward when you meet? Unless I’m being shallow?! Surely for a relationship to flourish, there must be chemistry and the ability to string a sentence together but maybe I’m expecting too much ;-)

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Relationship vs Situationship

situationshipsWe’ve all been there…….

Girl meets guy, they hit it off, amazing connection, the fireworks and chemistry are off the Richter scale…..

A few amazing dates pass and you think wow this could really go somewhere and then all of a sudden contact with Mr Wonderful seems to have come to a screeching halt.

One week you are in constant contact with phonecalls and texts and the next week he’s disappear quicker than a virgin on prom night.

Whats the story?! Are they playing games? Scared of being hurt emotionally? How can it be that this person who you have spent so much time with now feels like a complete stranger? So cold? The only contact you’re getting is a late night text asking if you fancy meeting up or bumping into each other in the local pub after a few too many?

What you feel may have been a start of a beautiful relationship forming for you is infact a situationship for them. In it for the short term, to get a quick fix, with no commitment and then they rush out whilst the bed sheets are still warm. They’re not interested in the romantic dates or getting to know you, they’ve already got you hooked. They only come back for more when it interests them and usually if they’re horny. Game over.

You end up clinging for whatever they can give you, a few crumbs of attention, surely one day you’ll get the whole loaf again like you did at the start right? Generally not……the hot and cold game is exactly that. A game.

The trick is to notice these signs early, listen to your gut instinct and get out of the game whilst you’re still winning.

I found myself in one of these ‘situationships’ where actually I thought it was a budding relationship……I remember this particular scenario so well. It was a Sunday eve, we had been at the local pub with our mutual friends and having a great time. I couldn’t find my phone so I asked my ‘boyfriend’ to call my phone so I could find it. His response? ‘I can’t call your phone as I never saved your number’.

Ouch. Was like taking a bullet. This was in front of all our friends who were equally as shocked. And it was also 4 months into our ‘situationship’. I got out pretty quickly after that. I realised that my self esteem meant far more to me than some useless tool that couldn’t even be arsed to save my number in his phone. Since when does saving a number mean you’re in it for life?!

That old cliche is springing in my mind : don’t hate the player, hate the game!

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Hey 1985 called, it wants its mullet back……

double denim

My friend was telling me about a disastrous blind date she was set up on. Now to be fair, this wasn’t your run of the mill blind date, this was her best friend setting her up with one of her cousins. So her friend knew her type, and also knew her likes and dislikes when it came to the fairer sex.

What she hadn’t told my friend is that she hadn’t seen her cousin in over five years but he’s super gorgeous and really friendly.

Now my friend is an absolute knockout. Like seriously, when we go running, guys nearly fall over themselves to gawk at her.

So she was all excited at the thought of meeting this hot guy.

Date night arrives and she goes to her friends place and this guy is there along with quite a few of his friends. And in typical guy fashion, he stood with his mates and didn’t utter more than a couple of grunts to my friend.

But the real clincher was his outfit. He was sporting a double denim number, jeans and a jacket and had a mullet……wowzers! Perhaps he was channeling the Billy Ray Cyrus look for the night……but he knew he was being set up with my friend and he wore that? I’m guessing he didn’t get the memo about first impressions are what counts? Or at least have half of a personality and make conversation?

As she was regaling the story to me I tried to see the positives and suggested that perhaps she could attempt to change his dress sense and she said ‘but that could take months and in that time I have to be seen out in public with a guy that wears double denim and has a mullet hairstyle!’

Nuff said…!

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Till death do us part…….


This gem of a story has been submitted to us from one of our readers – thank you so much! Keep em coming!

I want to share one of my more ‘interesting’ dating experiences that actually happened – I met a guy in town who seemed nice, he was a ‘friend of a friend’ so I agreed to go out on a date with him. The day he arrived to pick me up, I walk out of my front door to be met with a blue van. Nothing too strange, up until I had to move rubber gloves and toe tags to be able to sit comfortably on the seat. I look at my date rather inquisitively, expecting an explanation to which he says “yeah….. There was a dead body in the back of this today….” – he was a funeral director and not a mass murderer, but it still freaked me out!!!

OHEMGEE! What a doozy!! That is most certainly a date to remember!!

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First date flops…….how to guarantee not getting a second date

first date flops

We’ve all been on our fair share of  first dates. That’s what makes blogs like this such interesting reading!!

I’ve compiled a list of first date turnoffs……..


* Clicking fingers at waiter. So, so rude……

* Talking with food in mouth

* Interrupting conversation

* Dominating conversation

* Not being an attentive listener

* Checking phone constantly

* Looking at everyone in the room apart from you

* Bad manners

* Bad breath

* Bad body odour – seriously. Deodorant, its not that hard

* Scratching or readjusting the nether regions

* Hankies…..sorry, they’re gross. All those germs being re-used over and over again. Hello OCD!

* Banging on about your ex – nuff said

* Not having any suggestion or idea as to where to go. Walking up and down a high street full of restaurants and umming and ahhing over which one to go into gets boring. Very quickly

* Not knowing the difference between a Cab Sav or a Sav Blanc. I don’t expect you to be wine buff but at least know the basics……and how to pronounce them!! I went on a first date where the guy ordered me a Merlot….and pronounced the T. Cringe.

* Tightarses. Now I don’t expect someone to always pay on a first date but having a tightarse mentality is a real turnoff. I mean, we are trying to impress each other aren’t we?

What are your first date turnoffs? We want to hear all about them!! Was there a second date?

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