Elegantly Wasted?

ass

Picture the scene……out on the town with relatively new boyfriend.

The wine is flowing, and out come the shots…..Sambuca. Ugh. Just one of those makes me feel like I’m gonna lose my dignity all over the place.

So why not be really big and clever and have a few shots in a row just to really get the party started! I wanted to impress my party loving boyfriend by showing him I could keep up the pace……

Keeping up meant falling down the stairs at the nightclub, whilst spewing and splitting my jeans right in the arse, with my arse cheeks and thong in full view of a heap of people queuing up to get into the club ……multi tasking at its pure finest ;-)

The poor chap had to carry me home and then had the pleasure of sleeping next to me all night whilst I was still covered in vomit…..Charming! I’m sure I smelled of girlfriend material :-)

I ended up dating him for 6 months and he repaid the favour tenfold by pooping in the bed after a big night and a chilli lamb kebab…….yummy! To this day, I still can’t do shots of Sambuca……or eat another lamb kebab.

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Funny first encounters…….

first encounters

So I get a text from a friend of mine last week…..

She meets a guy at a club, they share a cheeky snog, swap numbers and go there separate ways.

The guy calls her the next day and said, oh hi I met you last night, and I stayed at yours and I’m really sorry about peeing in your bed like that, I was just really drunk and just wanted to say I’m so sorry….

The best bit was it wasn’t her bed, or her house!

Pure solid comedy gold! We proper laughed about that one! I feel for the poor lass who woke up in the morning to a not so nice wet patch next to her! What a pleasant leaving gift!

We want to hear more of these funny encounters! Its a jungle out there!

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First & Last date….

first_date

So I arrived in a new city and thought what better way than to see the sights than with a local? So I signed up to RSVP and hit it off instantly with one particular chap. The banter was excellent, I could almost feel steam coming off my fingers from typing the messages to him on instant messenger. He suggested a date later in the week and I gladly accepted.

Date night arrives and I was full of excitement and feeling like a giddy teenager. The banter had been continuing via text leading up to the date and I was expecting to have a really fun night. The wine was flowing but the conversation wasn’t. Where was this hilarious guy that I had been chatting with so animatedly? It was literally like getting blood out of a stone trying to get the conversation going. We both knew it was flailing miserably so what was the solution? Wine…..and a lot of it. After the second bottle the banter was back and he got even better looking :-)

A cheeky snog outside the front of the restaurant ended back at mine doing the business…..now I don’t normally pull out all the stops on the first date but I was plastered and it had been awhile. I woke up in the morning and what did I see next to me? A large brown smudge on my brand new Egyptian cotton 300 count sheets. My date had left me with a parting gift…….a skid mark! Blimey! The verbal diarrhea that I was loving on our online chats was not what I was expecting on my sheets. Needless to say, I didn’t see him again. I still laugh about this, and even more so as his surname is Brown! Seriously if your date is too lazy to wipe his own ass what hope does that hold for the future?!!

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