So my friend sent this story to me as she wanted to share with y’all……
I’d been playing the numbers game on an Internet dating site.
A guy who was four years younger than me sent me a smile
Warning sign #1 – men seldom pursue a women older than themselves unless they’re looking for an education ;)
I read his profile which contained references to art, culture and music and spoke about one of the things he was most grateful for in life as his ability to tell a B flat from an F sharp. Hmmmm that might be nice but one of the top three things you’re grateful for?
Warning sign #2 – this guy is trying hard to be something he is not
We start talking on the phone and texting before we meet, we talk about where we live and our background. He won’t tell me what nationality he is because it will give the wrong impression (refer Warning sign #2) I tell him I know what he is and guess it in one. He’s shocked. It really wasn’t that hard especially given where he lived and the way he spoke.
The next day he’s going for a job interview and sends me a selfie of his naff shirt and tie:”employable or very employable” after the interview
“it’s only a very short matter of time before I work for that company”
Warning sign #3 – cocky? Not much
We agree to go on a date, I’m trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. Did I mention before that I have had the part of my brain that discerns good men from total drop kicks removed?
We agree to meet at a pub about a 20 minute walk from my home. I leave the house and the weather is fine. Five minutes into the walk and it starts bucketing down, I mean really raining, so much that the street is flooding. I text him to say it’s pouring and I’m getting soaked I’m going to take shelter until it passes.
Him: “ha, ha”
Me: “thanks for the sympathy”
Warning sign #4 – pig
By this stage I am furious but curious so I decide, instead of going home, I’m gonna find out exactly how much of a tool this guy is.
Boy do I find out:
I finally get to the pub meet him and say “sorry, I look like a shaggy dog”
He says “yes you do!” (Refer warning sign #4)
His opening line of conversation was “you’ll be pleased to know that I didn’t get that job”
Why would I be pleased about that?
Warning sign #5 – no emotional intelligence
Secretly I do find it funny given warning sign #3 :p
He decides he’s hungry, when the waitress comes he orders for us without asking me what I might like. (Refer warning sign #4 – again)
His second chosen topic of conversation is how he prefers to wet shave. Apparently this is a far superior option to a plastic razor and much more manly. He tells me about the pattern of hair on his face and how he has to do three sweeps of his ultra manly razor in a special sequence to get the closest shave possible. Snorgasm……
(Refer warning sign #5)
Actually this kind of intrigues me because in the aforementioned naff shirt and tie pic he looks like he’s got a 5 o’clock shadow already. I mention that, it’s not appreciated ;)
Warning sign #6 – no sense of humour
The dinner is over, I’ve just embarked on my second glass of wine, he asks me about cycling and what kind of bike I have. I know he’s not into cycling so I try to keep it simple I say I have a mountain bike and also a road bike and am explaining it in simple terms he looks at me and says “you have no idea what kind of bike you have do you?”
WTF you cocky pr*ck?
“I know exactly what kind of bike I have”. I go on to tell him about the frame the wheels and the group set in the most technical terms I can muster, I then ask him if he had any idea what I was talking about. No? I didn’t think so.
I pick up my glass, skull my wine and announce that it’s time for me to leave. I pick up my wet coat and scarf and start to go, he gets up and follows me out. We walk out the door of the pub and he says “oh here’s my car.”
Oh, what, the car you didn’t offer to come and rescue me from the pouring rain in? That was sitting right out front, the whole time?
I’m walking down the street by this, he asks me if I want a lift, I say “no, I’m happy to walk” and leave. Swiftly.
Three days later I get a text:
“It was really good to meet you the other night. I’m sure you felt it too, we have a great connection but not enough to make a romantic relationship. I would really like to be friends though because you are exactly the kind of people I like to surround myself with. Want to catch up again next week?”
OMG one of us is definitely not the full quid!
I’m booked in to see my neurosurgeon to have that part of my brain removed that tells me I need a man in my life!
Have you been on a date with an insensitive narcissist? We wanna here all about it!!
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