Liar liar pants on fire!


So I met a guy online and I didn’t really like his name……Tony. Just didn’t ever imagine myself with a ‘Tony’. Sounds stupid I know but I have to like the name……..

The night of the date arrived and it was going really well! Tony was good looking, engaging and really funny, he had me in stitches.

Drinks turned into dinner, and then icecream after.

The conversation was flowing……I said, so tell me, is Tony short for Antony? I was thinking how I could make the name more acceptable.

There was total silence from Tony. His face went as white as a sheet and he starts stumbling, ohhh I have something to tell you. He looked stricken.

My name isn’t really Tony……its Matthew. I gave you the wrong name.

My reaction was, oh thank fuck for that I HATE the name Tony…..

and then, um why did you lie about your name?!! That’s really weird.

Oh there are heaps of stalkers out there he said…….errrrr ok…..

And he lied about his age. 3 times.

Seriously, what is the point in that?! Honesty in relationships is so important and if you are going to lie from the get go, then what hope do you have for the future?!

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ADD……Another dating disaster!











Another online date….profile was interesting, a good array of ‘action’ shot type photos, the standard photo at someone’s wedding and a very good looking profile pic. He looked like a cheeky chappie and I was right….

He asked me for my number straight off and called me to arrange a date. The day before our date he calls me on my mobile whilst I was at work to boast about selling a yacht……he’s in the boating industry.

Firstly I thought, err ok why are you telling me this and secondly I’m at work! It all seemed overly familiar and like he was trying to blow his own trumpet. He said that we would have lots to celebrate when we met the next night.

We meet at a wine bar for a couple of drinks. There was more boasting about his success with the sale of the yacht…..yawn. I’m all for people having success in their lives but conversation is a two way street! I actually counted there was a time span of 15 minutes I was completely mute as he was talking non stop about himself.

I suggested we order some food as a) I was hungry and b) I thought it might shut him up for a bit…….

The bill arrives and he says ‘wow this is expensive for what we had’ two starters and 6 drinks for $100? I thought it seemed fairly reasonable and considering how much talk there was of his work success and how much money he made,  I thought that it wouldn’t have been too much for him to contend with.

He asked me whether I was going to contribute to the bill and then promptly said, actually you don’t have to if you don’t want to so I said, ok I won’t then! He looked a bit taken aback and said I can pay ‘the next time’.

I thought that was terribly presumptuous and wasn’t sure if my ears were up to another date of him harping on about himself. I jokingly said that he was getting a bit ahead of himself and that I’d let him know. That joke went down like a lead balloon.

We went outside and it was pouring with rain. I didn’t have an umbrella with me and my house was a good 2o minutes walk down the street. He was parked in front of the bar. He promptly said bye and see you around. No offer of a ride home in the rain for me…….

What a gentleman!

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Is it really you? As you look NOTHING like your online dating picture!

bad pics

My first ever online dating experience wasn’t what you would call a success.

I had been exchanging emails with a particular chap and they were very funny, great banter and from his various photos, he was cute.

After about a week of exchanging emails, we had arranged a date. About an hour before we were due to meet I receive a text from him saying that his hair was a little longer than the photos on his profile. Ok no problem.

I met him at our arranged meeting spot and I was gobsmacked. Not only was his hair a little longer (and desperately needed a wash), he was about 20 kilos heavier! Fark! I didn’t know where to look. I usually am terrible in hiding my expressions, my face shows exactly what I’m thinking and he could tell straight away that I was not impressed.

And besides all that, the banter had dried up. There was no witty jokes, nothing. I was trying to make a half arsed attempt at humour and it went down like a lead balloon. It was excruciatingly awkward. We didn’t look at each other, he was looking at the ground and I was looking at the sky. It would have been easier to get blood out of a stone than have a conversation with this chap. Somehow, I managed to get through two drinks and I swiftly made my excuses and bolted.

Seriously, why do people put up ancient photos of themselves online? Surely they must realise that its gonna be so awkward when you meet? Unless I’m being shallow?! Surely for a relationship to flourish, there must be chemistry and the ability to string a sentence together but maybe I’m expecting too much 😉

Experience with online dating shockers?!!

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Desperado…….why don’t you stop with the texting


During my various on and off forays into online dating I’ve encountered some real gems….

I think its good to have a bit of texting banter before you meet……it can give you a really good insight as to how a person ticks. And the more you text, the more you can find out whether a person is being themselves and spot when weird behaviours start surfacing.

If you’re anything like me and is prone to a few vinos of an evening, texting virtual strangers isn’t really a good idea…..not only are your boundaries non existent but any oddities in the other persons character seem perfectly normal at the time  and you end getting a teeny bit carried away with the banter and then in the cold light of sober day you think, fark what have I been saying?!

I was receiving regular emails one day from a particular chap who was very friendly, VERY keen from the get go, but also very cute. We swapped numbers and all of a sudden I’m being bombarded with texts that evening. The banter was flowing and I vaguely remember agreeing to meet up for lunch the following day. The straw that broke the camels back for me was receiving a text from him the following morning at 5.45am. The buzzing noise of my phone jolted me out of my hungover slumber and my bleary eyes read ‘good morning gorgeous girl! just on my way to work xxxxx’.

Fan-effing-tastic. That was certainly worth being woken up for at some ungodly hour! Seriously I wasn’t interested if he was going to work, and certainly not at 5.45am! I’m not a morning person, and especially a morning person with a twinge of hangover. Not impressed. I didn’t respond to the message and then all throughout the morning was receiving a blow by blow commentary of his meetings, getting coffee, what ‘we’ were going to do over the weekend and in the future……we hadn’t met up for the lunch date by this stage! Fark, this guy was full on. I felt like I had been fastforwarded to girlfriend status in less than 24 hours! Now I’m all for someone showing interest but this was way too over the top.

I’m generally prone to bolting when someone acts like this, get the jogging shoes on and run as fast as Forrest Gump…..

Thankfully that day it was pouring with rain and I used that excuse to cancel our lunch date…….

As Milli Vanilli would say ‘Blame it on the Rain’………

After about a week of no response to his messages, he got the hint.

Have you ever had someone text their way out of a first date by being overzealous or just downright weird?! We wanna hear all about it!

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