The Renovator……

self esteemI’ve been told on more than one occasion that I am a ‘fixer’ when it comes to relationships. I find these men who are either depressed, have low self esteem, previous relationship scars etc… name it, I’ve seen it. I make it my priority to ‘fix’ these guys as if its some sort of renovation project in the vain hope that once they are rebuilt emotionally they will become the perfect partner…..

And yes this does eventuate but in most cases they become the perfect partner for someone else! Its like you have bought this run down house, renovated it and turned it into a beautiful home and then someone else buys it.

Once these guys have had their self esteems built up, whilst yours is all the while being pushed down, they are oozing confidence, charm and wit and attract a new partner in a nanosecond….and you’re left being a shadow of your former self with no gas left in the tank as you’ve spent all of your fuel building up theirs….Because when you are spending all your time focusing on fixing someone else, you are neglecting the bigger and more important project of fixing yourself.

Does this sound familiar to you? Are you currently mid renovation project or a previous renovator? We want to hear all about it!

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According to a survey conducted by the Daily Mail – men expect sex after three dates and one in five men expect to sleep with their date if they spend 100 quid on dinner.

Surely an expensive dinner is not a guarantee that you’ll get laid? Everyone has their different ideas about how many dates to have before doing the wild thing and it all depends on the individual, but it would be awful to think that a guy is just going through the motions of the actual dates just to get you in the sack?!

I like to test this theory out, not because I’m a game player, but to see how many dates I can have with a particular person to see if they are genuinely interested in getting to know me or are they just going through the motions in the hope of some booty action. I had 4 dates with a particular chap once and they all went very well (or so I thought). I was tempted to sleep with him after the third date but it had been awhile and I was a bit nervous. Fourth date came and went and ended up with a snogathon on his sofa for a good two hours…….

He dropped me off that evening and I never heard a peep out of him after that. He removed me from Facebook and that was the end of that! I don’t generally play games but my theory of testing out the ‘sexpectations’ proved me right with him.  I like the whole courting procedure, and dating, I don’t see the rush to jump into bed together so early if the time isn’t right for both parties? But that is my perogative….. and it can take me a few dates to see whether that person is worthy of some bedroom action!

One of my guy friends once said to me that if he didn’t get a girl into bed after three dates he would have given up altogether!

Different courses for different horses I guess?!

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Relationship vs Situationship

situationshipsWe’ve all been there…….

Girl meets guy, they hit it off, amazing connection, the fireworks and chemistry are off the Richter scale…..

A few amazing dates pass and you think wow this could really go somewhere and then all of a sudden contact with Mr Wonderful seems to have come to a screeching halt.

One week you are in constant contact with phonecalls and texts and the next week he’s disappear quicker than a virgin on prom night.

Whats the story?! Are they playing games? Scared of being hurt emotionally? How can it be that this person who you have spent so much time with now feels like a complete stranger? So cold? The only contact you’re getting is a late night text asking if you fancy meeting up or bumping into each other in the local pub after a few too many?

What you feel may have been a start of a beautiful relationship forming for you is infact a situationship for them. In it for the short term, to get a quick fix, with no commitment and then they rush out whilst the bed sheets are still warm. They’re not interested in the romantic dates or getting to know you, they’ve already got you hooked. They only come back for more when it interests them and usually if they’re horny. Game over.

You end up clinging for whatever they can give you, a few crumbs of attention, surely one day you’ll get the whole loaf again like you did at the start right? Generally not……the hot and cold game is exactly that. A game.

The trick is to notice these signs early, listen to your gut instinct and get out of the game whilst you’re still winning.

I found myself in one of these ‘situationships’ where actually I thought it was a budding relationship……I remember this particular scenario so well. It was a Sunday eve, we had been at the local pub with our mutual friends and having a great time. I couldn’t find my phone so I asked my ‘boyfriend’ to call my phone so I could find it. His response? ‘I can’t call your phone as I never saved your number’.

Ouch. Was like taking a bullet. This was in front of all our friends who were equally as shocked. And it was also 4 months into our ‘situationship’. I got out pretty quickly after that. I realised that my self esteem meant far more to me than some useless tool that couldn’t even be arsed to save my number in his phone. Since when does saving a number mean you’re in it for life?!

That old cliche is springing in my mind : don’t hate the player, hate the game!

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Like a moth to an old flame…….

ex factor

Most of us have gone back to an ex…….and usually an ex that has treated us like dirt. What is so appealing about the ex factor? Is it a fear of being alone? Better the devil you know? Do we think we aren’t deserving of a better relationship with someone new? Just when you think your self esteem can’t get any lower you go back for more……and feel like you’ve done ten rounds with Mike Tyson by the end of it.

Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity which is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result! Does it work out – Carrie & Big style after repeated break ups?

If you are considering going back to an ex you’ve got to keep your eyes open and the blinkers off. Here are some handy tips you should consider before re-opening the ex-files.

– Why do you want to try again?

– Do you both want the same things for the future?

– Take off the rose coloured glasses and remember both the good times AND the bad times

– There is no initial exciting courting phase and ‘newness’ of a budding relationship. That phase has been and gone

– There will need to be actions instead of words in order for change and growth

– You’ll need to let go of the elephant memory and forget the past and wipe the slate clean

– And most importantly, have NO regrets!


Never give up on something that you think about daily!

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World Cup Widow

world cup widowThe World Cup is rapidly approaching…….goodbye boyfriend and hello World Cup widow status!!

Urban Dictionary’s take on the football widow is : A woman who must cope with the temporary death of her relationship during football games.

64 games being played out over 4 weeks – what are you going to do to keep yourself occupied during the ‘wake’ of your relationship?! 🙂

Here are some handy ‘survival’ tips!!

1. Make sure there is two televisions in your home! You don’t want to be stuck watching the games and the post match highlights 24/7! Its enough to send anyone crazy!

2. Go shopping – preferably with your partner’s credit card! He’ll soon take his eyes off the television when he’s looking at the credit card statement!

3. If you can’t beat em, join em! Watch the games, perv on the sexy players!! Don’t ask AGAIN about the offside rule…..very annoying apparently!!

4. Suggest that your partner watches the game at the pub with some of his friends. That gets him out of the house and the remote back in your hands. Peace and quiet resumed!

5. If your country’s team lose, don’t try and console your partner by saying ‘its only a game’. This does not go down well. Fact.

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