Desperado…….why don’t you stop with the texting


During my various on and off forays into online dating I’ve encountered some real gems….

I think its good to have a bit of texting banter before you meet……it can give you a really good insight as to how a person ticks. And the more you text, the more you can find out whether a person is being themselves and spot when weird behaviours start surfacing.

If you’re anything like me and is prone to a few vinos of an evening, texting virtual strangers isn’t really a good idea…..not only are your boundaries non existent but any oddities in the other persons character seem perfectly normal at the time  and you end getting a teeny bit carried away with the banter and then in the cold light of sober day you think, fark what have I been saying?!

I was receiving regular emails one day from a particular chap who was very friendly, VERY keen from the get go, but also very cute. We swapped numbers and all of a sudden I’m being bombarded with texts that evening. The banter was flowing and I vaguely remember agreeing to meet up for lunch the following day. The straw that broke the camels back for me was receiving a text from him the following morning at 5.45am. The buzzing noise of my phone jolted me out of my hungover slumber and my bleary eyes read ‘good morning gorgeous girl! just on my way to work xxxxx’.

Fan-effing-tastic. That was certainly worth being woken up for at some ungodly hour! Seriously I wasn’t interested if he was going to work, and certainly not at 5.45am! I’m not a morning person, and especially a morning person with a twinge of hangover. Not impressed. I didn’t respond to the message and then all throughout the morning was receiving a blow by blow commentary of his meetings, getting coffee, what ‘we’ were going to do over the weekend and in the future……we hadn’t met up for the lunch date by this stage! Fark, this guy was full on. I felt like I had been fastforwarded to girlfriend status in less than 24 hours! Now I’m all for someone showing interest but this was way too over the top.

I’m generally prone to bolting when someone acts like this, get the jogging shoes on and run as fast as Forrest Gump…..

Thankfully that day it was pouring with rain and I used that excuse to cancel our lunch date…….

As Milli Vanilli would say ‘Blame it on the Rain’………

After about a week of no response to his messages, he got the hint.

Have you ever had someone text their way out of a first date by being overzealous or just downright weird?! We wanna hear all about it!

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First & Last date….


So I arrived in a new city and thought what better way than to see the sights than with a local? So I signed up to RSVP and hit it off instantly with one particular chap. The banter was excellent, I could almost feel steam coming off my fingers from typing the messages to him on instant messenger. He suggested a date later in the week and I gladly accepted.

Date night arrives and I was full of excitement and feeling like a giddy teenager. The banter had been continuing via text leading up to the date and I was expecting to have a really fun night. The wine was flowing but the conversation wasn’t. Where was this hilarious guy that I had been chatting with so animatedly? It was literally like getting blood out of a stone trying to get the conversation going. We both knew it was flailing miserably so what was the solution? Wine…..and a lot of it. After the second bottle the banter was back and he got even better looking 🙂

A cheeky snog outside the front of the restaurant ended back at mine doing the business… I don’t normally pull out all the stops on the first date but I was plastered and it had been awhile. I woke up in the morning and what did I see next to me? A large brown smudge on my brand new Egyptian cotton 300 count sheets. My date had left me with a parting gift…….a skid mark! Blimey! The verbal diarrhea that I was loving on our online chats was not what I was expecting on my sheets. Needless to say, I didn’t see him again. I still laugh about this, and even more so as his surname is Brown! Seriously if your date is too lazy to wipe his own ass what hope does that hold for the future?!!

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